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If you've never visited here before, you have no idea of what I'm speaking. But if you're a repeat reader, then you'll notice some changes in how the blog looks. I am happy with it for now, but be aware that I am easily distracted and will no doubt change it again, and again, and yet again.
The problem is that I hadn't given this much thought before, but what does my constant dissatisfaction say about me. I know there's nothing inherently wrong with change or making a change, and not even in desiring a change. Unless this leads to coveting. (See Exodus 20:17)
Does this include blog coveting? Perhaps wishing I had more time to devote, as others seem to, or that I had more wisdom to impart, or that I could have more followers (let's be honest, that's a big one in the blogosphere). What does this virtual discontentment say about me really?

Can I be truly trusting completely in God, and yet be discontented? I love this quote, as countless others do no doubt, by John Piper, "God is most glorified, when we are most satisfied in Him."   Am I truly satisfied in Him, when I desire constant change, constant new, something more? I think by definition this cannot be satisfaction. 
Now the question becomes, "Why am I not satisfied in Him?" 
Why isn't God enough for me? I do want to glorify Him. At least that's what I think and say, but what does this continual desire for the new, the different, the more say? If I take Mr. Piper's statement for what it says, then I have to say that I must either not truly wish to glorify God or that I don't desire Him as my satisfaction, and maybe both. 
"Blessed are those who keep his testimonies, who seek him with their whole heart,"-Psalm 119:2
Doesn't this Scripture point us to seek God for everything?
And when Christ was asked what was the greatest commandment, here's what He said, "And he said to him, "You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment."-Matthew 22:37-38
I believe John Piper was right in saying that the greatest thing we could do for the glory of God was to seek complete satisfaction in Him. However seeking complete satisfaction and actually continually possessing it are two separate things, and until we are dead and in the very presence of God we cannot be fully satisfied. So, perhaps C.S. Lewis was right when talking about our desires leading to our dissatisfaction which leads us to God the only One who can satisfy our every longing. (If you haven't read it, I highly recommend C.S. Lewis's autobiography, "Surprised By Joy", where he goes into greater detail about this.) My discontentment with myself and my longing for something better can lead me to God. Of course after I get there, I will be shocked and frightened by His holiness, but nevertheless, I think we all long for Him somehow. 
If I weren't dissatisfied, I wouldn't seek God, but just because I am endeavoring to be satisfied in God, doesn't mean that my flesh won't fail and I will be discontent. 
"My soul longs for your salvation; I hope in your word. My eyes long for your promise; I ask, "When will you comfort me?""-Psalm 119:81-82. 
There is no hope apart from God, and for that knowledge I am eternally grateful to You, O God!


Brad said...

As a new reader, I like the look...for what it's worth...however your text is tough to read. Have you considered either a deeper mustard for the post background or changing the post's font color to black?

Lewis' book (Surprised by Joy) is excellent and a must read. Keep striving for joy...and remember there's always a better joy on the other side of your spiritual apathies.

Sarah : ) said...

Thanks for the suggestion. I am trying to find something that works better, and trying to navigate blogger to do so. I promise that it will be better as soon as I can figure out how to make it better.
I just get so disgusted with myself sometimes. As I know better than anyone my true selfish and fickle nature. Praise God that salvation in no way relies on my abilities, but in Jesus Christ's finished work alone!